Fear keeps you small
Fear keeps you small. Judgement, whether it is you judging others and judging situations or feel constantly judged by others, judgment all comes from your own thoughts and conditioned beliefs about who you think you are.
One of the tools I learned is how to reframe judgment. Turn judgment into curiosity. Curiosity takes away a negative interpretation. Curiosity allows you to explore and clarify something with another person – when that person says something you “disagree” with, instead of instantly jumping in with a rebuttal, try saying “oh that’s interesting. Could you say a little more about what you mean so I can understand correctly?” It allows you to take the time to entertain another point of view, another way of looking at a situation.
Clarity has no room for assumptions or misunderstanding. If you are not sure if your “interpretation” is correct, ask “do you mean…”? Curiosity allows for a calmer conversation. Curiosity is not aggressive nor makes the other person defensive. Curiosity allows for conscious communication. Use your soul quality of “creativity”.
Curiosity can also apply to your own self-judgments. When you notice you’re being hard on yourself or having negative self-talk – ask, “why do I think this”? Take a few moments to sit and reflect. Give yourself that gift of quiet time and self-love. Curiosity will allow you to develop less self-judgment and will support you in building self-confidence.
The one thing I have dropped from my old identity is my “I can’t”. These 2 insidious words have held me back so many times. These 2 small words have caused so much hurt and misunderstanding in me. It has caused missed opportunities and missed adventures. It also made me miss out on relationships and on meeting new and possibly very interesting people.
“I can’t” is because of negative self-judgment – never feeling good enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, worthy enough. These 2 powerful words made me misinterpret other people’s intentions – why would he be interested in me? I must be misreading the signals! Why didn’t they invite me to join them on this holiday? They probably don’t even like me. Why should I bother aiming for a promotion? I’m not good enough and they know it so why kill myself trying? I should just be happy with my small life and stop dreaming of bigger and better – why would that happen to someone like me anyway?
These 2 heavy little words prevented me from asking for help, believing that no one would help me, that I would have to do it all on my own, that no one was going to serve me anything on a silver platter, that I would have to bend over backwards in all my relationships, please everyone to be loved and accepted, to belong. Those two little words caused me to live my life looking for love in all the wrong places.
The new me has been training in self-love for a long time. The more I encourage and believe in myself, the more empowered I feel, the more courage I feel to try new things, meet new people, go to new places, experience new adventures, even if it means doing it alone.
The more I acknowledge myself and accept myself – perfect in all my imperfections, the happier and more lighthearted I feel. Life seems so much more enriching and rewarding when I recognize my own awesome self, when I celebrate who I am, when I love myself.
One of the things I have been doing for a few years now is taking the time to peel my grapes. Why? Because I don’t like the skin and I am worth the time and effort! This one small daily act serves as a reminder that I love myself enough to give me what I need. I would not hesitate to do it for someone I love so why don’t I do it for me?
Self-love allows me to take chances and to make mistakes. My old identity would never do that for fear of “failing”, for fear that it would not turn out perfectly. How can I achieve “perfection” on one try??!!
Self-love builds self-confidence and allows me to expand my computer skills, learning how to set up a private page on FB, learning how to film myself, how to make good recordings for the meditations, how to utilize Zoom and other platforms.
Self-confidence allows me to not take myself so seriously, to be willing to make mistakes and to keep moving out of my comfort zone.
I have learned to celebrate my wins, not needing applause from others. No one needs to know what I have overcome. I am less needy, do not feel pressurized to please X, Y, and Z to get love and acceptance. I am very happy being my own best friend.
TAP TAP TAP (putting your right hand on your left shoulder, your left hand on your right shoulder and repeating out loud (while patting yourself) “Well done, Candace. Well done.” Repeat 3 X) – using this tool consistently and constantly is supporting me in transforming my negativity into self-love.
