MONEY, MONEY, MONEY

Candace’s Money Story: 

I didn’t exactly know what my relationship with money was…  

Leaving home for university was my first step towards independence. Money had never been a significant concern until then. However, my decision to leave home meant financial responsibility and independence—a choice my parents made clear would come with my decision to go my own way.

Determined to assert my independence, I found my first job and applied for a student loan, allowing me to attend a university far from home.  This student loan was my first hard lesson in “borrow now pay later”.

My father, to his credit, guided me in managing finances responsibly when I landed my first job. His lessons instilled in me a deep aversion to debt and emphasized the value of saving. However, while I learned to save diligently, I wasn’t taught how to make my money work for me or enjoy its benefits fully. I was taught to work hard not to work smart.

Becoming financially independent at a young age instilled a sense of self-reliance, but it also fostered a belief that asking for help was a sign of weakness or that somehow, I did something “wrong”. 

My conditioning of “to be successful you had to work hard” mindset led me to become a workaholic, juggling multiple jobs to pay off debts and to save for the future. I became really good at saving money, always making sure I had some set aside for emergencies. 

By the time I was 32, I had managed to pay off my student loan and save enough to put down a big chunk of money for my first house. Buying my own home was a huge achievement for me, driven by my hard work. By this age, my pattern of needing to see a certain amount of money in my savings account was deeply entrenched, and if it wasn’t there, I’d start to feel really anxious.

I continued this pattern of saving and never spending on myself but was very generous with spending on others, especially for my children. I gave freely to family, friends, and even strangers in need. Yet, no matter how much I had, I always felt “poor”. Unexpected windfalls seemed to vanish as quickly as they appeared, diverted to others or unexpected expenses. What I failed to notice was that The Universe seemed to reward my selflessness, always providing when I needed it most. 

By my 50’s, I had become a millionaire through my scrimping and saving, and a divorce settlement. But I was terrified of managing such wealth, so I entrusted it to a financial advisor. The 2008 Asian financial crisis pulled the rug out from under me. Overnight, I lost 60% of my money. I panicked and sold my investments, watching helplessly as the cash dwindled over time, partly due to the spending habits of my third husband – another example of my unconscious spending patterns – plenty for others, not enough for me.

For a decade, I lived in a state of financial anxiety, having absolutely no idea if I was “ok” or headed towards the poor house! It wasn’t until the pandemic stripped away distractions that I confronted my financial reality.

With newfound time and few to no distractions, I sought guidance to overcome my subconscious barriers to abundance. I enrolled in financial education courses, acknowledging that I deserved financial empowerment and abundance. Lao Tzu said that a journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.  That first step was one of the most profound action steps I took to master my finances and to develop an “abundance” mindset.  I faced my subconscious fears and limiting beliefs around money, around abundance, and around my own sense of self-worth.  I learned valuable tools to shift these blocks in order to transform my relationship with money.  It was one of the most self-empowering things I have ever done.

In the journey of my life, I’ve come to understand that my relationship with money is a dynamic, ever-changing one. As a woman, I recognize that my needs and path to financial empowerment are unique, are different to those of a man and that at each stage of my life those needs are constantly evolving. 

Through self-discovery, a willingness to learn and to take appropriate, concrete actions, I have committed to embracing my worthiness and am now flourishing in my definition of what a life of abundance means to me. My journey towards financial freedom is not just about accumulating wealth, but also about harnessing the power within me to create a life of purpose and fulfillment.

Now, my mantra is clear: I deserve to flourish.  I deserve to have a lot of money.  I am worthy.